Cell Phone Blues


Dancing to the Wrong Tune

It was spring in Maine and a sea of green was emerging across the dead landscape.  The change was refreshing and my wife and I delighted in seeing life being renewed as we traveled northward.  We apparently came at a bad time because the state was in the middle of updating road signs. The numbers of the state highways on the signs and the numbers of the highways on our road map did not always match and we were often confused by the conflicting numbers.
We stopped for directions often to make sure we were on the right road.  Each time we stopped, my wife would whip out her cell phone and call several people, letting them know where we were, what the weather was like, what scenery we were seeing, etc., etc, etc.  She always looked forward to the next stop so she could call someone and did not mind me stopping for directions, for gas, or for other reasons.  Since she was happy talking to her parents, her friends, or our children, the stops were enjoyable and I was happy just having some quiet time to myself.
Although this plan worked for all previous stops, there was one stop with the cell phone that brought trouble. It all started out innocently enough.  I pulled in to a gas station for gas.  After filling the tank I decided to use the restroom but before I went inside my wife said, “I want to go inside.  I don’t have a pocket in these jeans so would you keep my phone for me?”      Reluctantly, I took her phone and stuck it in my pocket.  I hurried into the restroom scarcely ahead of two other men. I took my place at an urinal.  Another man, a trucker, took his place at the urinal on my left.  A motorcycle rider stood at the urinal on my right.  We all looked ahead in silence, at least until my wife’s cell phone went off.
“My boyfriend’s back and there’s gonna be trouble,” the ring tone of her cell phone blared, and continued playing the same tune over and over.  The trucker turned and eyed me intently.  The biker also turned and stared.
What could I do?  I was totally embarrassed.  I smiled at one and then the other.  I hurried over to the sink, washed and dried my hands, and zipped out the door. By then the phone had stopped playing but I was thoroughly irritated.
When I found my wife, I slapped her phone down into her outstretched hand.  “Here,” I said.  “I don’t ever want to hold your phone again.”  When I explained what had happened, she laughed.  Then she apologized, and laughed again.  I found no humor in the situation and we sat in silence for a long time as we traveled.  Later, I found time to laugh at my own temporary plight.  My wife did her part to ease further situations.  She changed her tune.  We still travel together, but when we stop somewhere I always check my surroundings, and I never, ever, hold her phone.

By Dan Roberson

7 thoughts on “Cell Phone Blues

  1. Loved your stories. Enjoyed reading them. They bring back a lot of personal memories. Your animal stories are almost unbelievable but funny.

  2. danny,

    you have never been to maine. at least not since the cell phone infestation of the 00s. when you see those commercials about more bars in more places. maine is not included in those places. and as for that network, headed by the hipster? yeah, must be too cold for them there. if you stand on one leg, squint your right eye, stretch your left arm out at a 45 degree angle and ask for the intercession of saint gabriel, you might be able to send a text. maybe. besides that. very funny.

  3. Cute story,Dan. I certainly can appreciate your consternation. What a nice lady your wife is: she changed the cell phone tune. I’m not sure everybody would do that.

    Happy travels …

    1. Hit a slow spot. Removing trees from backyard, kids involved in car accident, a couple of flares, just daily life. Three posts—Christmas on Display, Telling Lies at Christmas, Christmas is not a Time of Peace, and working on a couple. I have really slowed for the moment. Questions I’m trying to solve. I just need to mentally have fun again.

      May the sun be on your face and the wind at your back as the Lord blesses you throughout the day. Carpe diem!

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