With a Breeze in the Back
“One lump or two?” I heard the nurse say,
My heart began pounding twice as fast,
I wasn’t mentally prepared on that fateful day,
I thought, This day could be my last.
From his office into the clean crisp air,
Escaping because I was upset and afraid,
Suddenly I realized that I was almost bare,
And in front of the Thanksgiving parade.
I couldn’t decide exactly what to do,
I still wore my gown with a breeze in the back,
I was embarrassed and a little cold too,
But I was in the parade, the leader of the pack.
My mind was numb and I lost my fear,
And I began to relax and wave,
The crowd roared and began to cheer,
For they thought I was extremely brave.
High stepping and saluting to the crowd’s delight,
I marched past the judges’ stand,
I was in my glory and in full sight,
I won a trophy for most spectacular in all the land.
I led that parade down a frontage street,
Until I marched into the doctor’s office again,
I entered and had just taken a seat,
When the doctor rushed in with a grin.
He asked, “Have you been waiting long?”
As he spent two minutes looking over my chart,
“Well I marched in a parade and wrote a song.”
He squinted and said, “Patience is an art.”
“Doc, I need to know. Was it one lump or two?”
“Why would you want to know that?
I want my coffee sweet so two lumps will do,
My wife would kill me. She thinks I’m getting fat.”
Two lumps of sugar had been my downfall,
I had led a parade where everyone could see,
It hadn’t been my lymphatic glands at all,
It was sugar that almost killed me.
In the doctor’s office listen to what he says,
Don’t jump to conclusions if you’ve found a little bump,
Unless he shows you the x-rays,
Let his coffee contain the lump.
- Thousands turn out for parade (qctimes.com)
- It’s not cancer!!!! (jessicakillgore.com)
- Don’t be a Chump, Check for a Lump! (theresawright.wordpress.com)
- 750 Million Lumps of Sugar Every Day (Mar, 1950) (modernmechanix.com)
- Cartoon: One lump – shaken not stirred … (englishblog.com)