Category Archives: humor

ONE SIMPLE JOLT!

Totally unexpected,
Like a sudden inspiration,
There came a spectacular vision,
Expanding and growing beyond all comprehension,
A simple revelation,
A bolt
of lightning
that shook me to my foundation,
All my life I had been waiting
for this recognition
a jolt,
jump starting my imagination
taking me out of my doldrums
past all the writers’ blocks,
all the hindrances that could impede my progress.
one simple jolt.
But after all I’ve tried
I’m back to square one.
My brain is fried.

COLONOSCOPY

COLONOSCOPY
My body is playing tricks again,
And it’s driving me insane.
I’m tired of all the drama,
And tired of all the pain.
My doctor’s appointment is scheduled,
It would be sad if I should miss,
Especially if the doctor shouts,
“Hey, everyone! Come and look at this!”
I understand it’s not fun and games
To get a colonoscopy,
It might be fun for someone else,
But it’s not much fun for me!
Nothing to eat but an awful drink,
What could possibly be any sadder?
Oops! It’s time to go!
The drink affects my bladder!
Doctor, just check me out,
The procedure is long overdue.
Which way are you going in,
To get the scenic view?
You’ve done this procedure numerous times,
Please be gentle and not rough.
The nurses have prepped me up,
So, doc, do your stuff!

April 15, 2017

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

Cranky? Don’t accuse me of something
When I come into the room.
I haven’t had my coffee,
And I’ve heard the voice of doom.
I’m not sure I’ll wake up tomorrow
And maybe I won’t last today
So don’t accuse me of being cranky
And keep everyone out of my way.
My hair is falling out
My cough is getting worse,
Why are you asking questions?
Is this poetry time, rhyme and verse?
My car wouldn’t start,
I must have walked a mile,
So get out of my face.
I don’t have time for a smile.
I think there’s a problem,
This company is operating at a loss,
I can’t put my finger on it
Even though I’m the boss.
Taxes are higher and overdue,
Cranky? I don’t think that’s true
Just because one of our clients
Is saying he will sue.
The sun must be on vacation,
You’re the one who was at the door
I was minding my own business,
I don’t want to hear anymore.

April 15, 2017

Dear Amy,

Dear Amy, I was pleased to receive your letter,
and I hope you’re getting better. Sorry that I scared you, but it seemed the best thing to do. I was expecting you to leap into my arms, but you chose to withhold your charms. As for the garden we planted by the light of the moon, I hope it grows real soon. My heart beats faster each time I see you, and I realize no one else will do. I’d be pleased if you gave me a kiss, and I would promise you this. I will love you forever. Oh, by the way, your father was just having fun, he doesn’t really have a gun, does he? Was he serious when he told me to go away, that I would never find a way? Please write me soon and we’ll meet at noon.
Sincerely, Sneaky Pete

LABEL

What would it look like if we each had a label?
Would it say, Please do not remove under penalty of law?
Would we have to prove we deserved it,
Would it be something everyone saw?
Please give me more information,
Tell me where and how I was made,
Would I be rated and checked out yearly,
Would there be taxes someone paid?
This would all be so confusing
To know everything without doubt,
And would the label allow someone,
To knock my stuffing out?
It would not be easy to start over anew.
I think I like the way I am,
And you look good being you.

April 11, 2017

PERFECT

This day is perfect so far.
I haven’t hurt anyone.
So maybe I should get a star.
I’ll pin it on my chest
and though I haven’t done
Anything great,
I haven’t been a pest.
What have I earned so far?
Why should it be understood
That I’m trying to be good?
Why make things so complicated?
Don’t I earn stars and points
For doing nothing?

March 25, 2017

YOUNG AND SENSITIVE (part one)

“Do you think I’m ugly?” she asked me.
She was beautiful and I couldn’t agree.
“You are lovlier than the most beautiful flower,
But why do you ask, at this late hour?
Have I ignored you for too long?”
A man who answers quickly is usually wrong.
I was careful with words I might say.
She was sensitive at this time of day.
She said, “I have a zit on my face.
If it’s there tomorrow I’ll be a disgrace.”
It was a small bump and so easy to get.
I should not say anything that I might regret.
“I don’t see anything on your pretty face.
I’ll always think you are beautiful in any case.”
“You’re following the rules down to the letter,
you’re being nice to make me feel better.”
“Of course,” I replied. “I don’t want you to be blue.
I want you to know I’ll alwawys love you.”
Her tears stopped and she considered what I said.
“You’ll still love me is my eyes are puffy and red?”
I answered, “Today, tomorrow, every day in time.
I’ll love you forever and I’m glad you are mine.”
She smiled before she walked away,
I sighed. “I am just a man,” I thought.
Can I be sensitive day after day?”
Hearing what she was feeling is a major task,
Lord, have mercy, is all I ask.